Violence is not of love

""The worst regret we have in life is not the wrong things we did, but for the thousands of the right things we did for the wrong people."

I have just seen this post on my Facebook account and I resonate with it so much as I am living this day in, day out. I don't know how I can start to explain how crushing it is to end a relationship even when it was just not going forward. I hate it when I have to put a stop to something that was once good and later on went to bad and worse and worst in an instance.

I am not a perfect and yes, I am stubborn, at times bossy and strong- headed (if there's a word like that). I will speak out when I see him doing something wrong, I will pout when I just don't feel like talking to him, I will go from angry to somehow smiling to laughing my ass off in a split second. I am hard at times to understand and I will change my mind twice or thrice, faster than Cookie can slap her son(Hakeem).... yeah, I just had to use that example. I will always say "I'm fine" even when I want him to just ask what the hell is wrong with me.

Every girl, woman, sister or aunt will be like this but even when I make these mistakes that will anger him, I don't expect him to lay a finger on me. I don't expect to join the growing number of statistics about violence in relationships and marriages. I don't expect to be threatened. I don't expect to have a black eye as though I got hit by a runaway bus. I don't expect to carry scars on my body to forever remind me of the stupid decision I made. I don't expect to keep crying for having fallen in love with his charm, only for him to later show me his true colors.

I don't expect to sit in silence for fear of ridicule and reprimand, from family and friends, for having loved him. He hit me and I hit back. There was no way I would just sit and wait to be killed as I watched. I defended myself and even made my point. That I was no weakling."

Just as the poem in the picture above says, the cycle never stops and once it starts, it goes on as long as the two parties may want to end it. No man/woman ever gets into a relationship or marriage expecting any form of abuse. No one expects or wishes the worst for themselves but at times we have no control over a person's emotions or reactions in any situation. We can only control ourselves. We can only do whats best for ourselves and for the relationship.

Walk away from it. It may hurt, it may feel like you will never love again. You may feel like you are a victim. You are not. You are a lesson, to yourself and to others in your situation. That despite all that happens, you can rise up and walk again. You can get up and love again. You can love yourself for the next person you meet. Do not despair because you are still alive to learn from your mistakes.
Violence is not of love but respect, trust, truth honesty and faithfulness is.

Young adult in my life

There are the times when you sit and think and analyse your life and come to the conclusion that you need someone to talk to. Don't get me wrong, I would really want the services of a psychiatrist but when I just think of the hours, sessions and payments to be made... I would rather stick to looking for non- charging individuals (close friend, best friend, friend-who-has funny-and-witty-remarks) who might end up giving their opinions instead of listening.

Actually this is better than silence. Holding it all in and acting as though I have it all together is an act that I have never quite mastered to the core. I end up looking like an insomniac, depressed and about to quit on life. Not good! I start to think of how my life sucks and that nothing is really going to work out... I know, positive thoughts = positive results... But hey! am HUMAN. I can't help it if I sulk for a while just to get over the depressive feelings I have over my current situation. Don't deny it, you've been here, through this road... confused on a way forward.

Well, there is always an upside to whenever you feel this way. One unexpected person will always cheer you up... Even if it may be for a short while. In my case, it's the young adult in my life. Just at 2 years old and she has the angelic and psychic power to note when am not okay. We call her young adult as she behaves quite like an adult, despite her age. Being a young mum bestows a sense of responsibility upon you. Stereotyping of young mums, day- to- day challenges of being the 20 something (under 25) you are, relationships musings, employment things and general life; have a way of making you feel older than you actually are.

She then dashes in, screaming and laughing (not swoop in like Superman but with the terrible twos in tow), just to jump on you, calling you 'Mama, Mama' as she cradles your face in her tiny hands. Trying to talk and mumble some sentence but all you can get is 'pepeti', 'mamasos' and dodon'. Well, as time goes buy you get to learn this other language and translations being, spaghetti, tomato sauce and Nickelodeon (in that order). Quite the simplest way to say, "I want food and cartoons."

A smile comes to your face as you realise what she is trying to tell you. The joy it brings to a mother to see her daughter try to construct sentences or pronounce words, is satisfying to me. With that fleeting chance to have a smile and forget my troubles, I am just grateful to have my young adult. I just have to appreciate the good moments she brings and get back to yelling as she tries to climb the stairs or scroll my phone. Aiyaya!

In the showery privacy

When you become an adult, major life thoughts and decisions basically sift through your mind while in the shower. Maybe its the calming effect of the drops of water rolling down my back that just uplifts my thoughts, close my eyes and think of what am doing in life, who I am in this life, where am headed and my purpose to this life I live... Or it's just the whole idea that I am alone and vulnerable and stripped to the bare minimums, that makes me realize that I can actually multi tasks and  get done with a lot of procrastinated decisions....

Anyhow..... To echo the words of artists Nico & Vinz- In your arms"...who doesn't want a machine so they could go back in time...", I seriously do need one at this point in life. At times we make decisions and as we later sit and think to ourselves, we somehow conclude that we need to reverse time and make a different decision. This would then cause a ripple effect in our favour, as we hope that the outcome is what we desired.

We often speculate what the future will be, and whether the life ahead of us has anything of good to offer us. Since getting the time machine to travel back in the past is a tad bit difficult and impossible (besides the calculations, probabilities, headaches, nervous breakdown, crazy-scientist-hair and looking like you never cared about yourself), I would actually try and invest in anything that would give me a glimpse of my future. You know, like have a peek at what life will be, what changes will have happened.... and with that in mind, come back to the present to actualize what I just saw.

Instead of having a shot in the dark and waiting not knowing that anything will materialize... I guess I would be the crowd that falls for crystal balls and foreseers.... but not really! Dabbling in the dark arts is not my forte. I guess I will just have to accept the outcomes of my decisions and hope for the best. As I also continue to balance the delicate act of holding slippery soap and thinking of what to eat... By the way, I need to eat.


Disclaimer: If you know anyone who might have that time travel thingy, well, we could just chat extensively about it and they could do the  sci-ency stuff while I do the travelling.. so just holla.

Beautiful and brainy

Noticed how most is beautiful but no brains?
Noticed how most is brainy but no looks?

This happens how come?

Hard to come by
Beautiful and brainy is,
Like rain in the Sahara
Rare stones they are.

Given to them many assumptions.
Either, they have to be
Neither, they can't be
Not by choice
Rather by noise.

Tears of love

Hi there,
I do love writing poems and most of which are about what am feeling at that exact moment of writing. I write what am feeling in my heart. In times when you feel you love somebody so much, one way or the other, you may find yourself shedding a tear or two for the person. I won't lie. I do that. So at one time when I did, I dedicated this poem to the person.............

A prayer to God, every time I say,
To help you and be with you.
In tears, I end up
Because I love you so much.
And the love overflows
Out through my tears, it pours.

Tears of love so overwhelming
Because I have been loved
And had the chance of loving back.

Tears of love ever so true
Because I always want to be with you.


Tears of love ever so special
Because you mean a lot to me.

Tears of love
That I would love to shed
For YOU!